


Wait until the stars shine

by taeku



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Boys In Love, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Longing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25381120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeku/pseuds/taeku
Summary: This is what soulmates do to you, isn’t it? Become part of you, so much that they steal all the colors around you. And Yukhei doesn’t mind seeing the world black and white, as long as Kunhang is here, next to him, smiling.
Relationships: Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	Wait until the stars shine

**Author's Note:**

> i've wrote this after a long writing block, so if it's bad... i'm sorry  
> be my guest and fall for the hencas agenda i'm trying to spread around
> 
> hope you enjoy the ride :)  
> (it is un-beta read...)

_“You’ll wait for me, right?”_

_“Yes, I will”_

_“Promised?”_

_“Promised, Yukhei. I’ll wait”_

-

Yukhei never meet Kunhang. There never was the first glance, the first discovery, the first spoken word. Never the first awkwardness, the first smile, the first tear. Yukhei never meet Kunhang because they were born on the same hospital, because their moms were college friends, because they grew up tied up to each other.

Yukhei always looked at Kunhang, always spoked to him, always smiled and cried with him. He never really felt any awkwardness, never really felt like he was discovering him. Because they knew each other so well already. Knew everything. The smiles, the laughs, the sensation of their skin touching, the sounds of their voices. Details and details and details of information they didn’t need to look into anymore.

Because they were breathing the same air, because they were living the same life, because they were so into each other there were no separation possible.

Yukhei knew Kunhang better than anyone else, better than he knew himself, better than Kunhang, even.

Yukhei knew the sounds of his voice, the sounds of his laugh, the sounds of his breathing.

But right now, Yukhei knows nothing of the Kunhang lying in front of him, in this white sheeted small and probably uncomfortable joke of a bed. Right now, looking at Kunhang feels like looking at a stranger, a stranger that knew nothing of you when they were supposed to know you like no one else.

Right now, staying here is impossible. Suffocating. So Yukhei stands up, takes his bag in his hand and walks out the door. Doesn’t look back, doesn’t want to look back, doesn’t want to see the body of someone he once knew but lost.

-

“Yukhei”

Today’s a Saturday. The sun is high in the sky, clouds lazily passing through the sky, sunshine slowly burning his shirtless back.

“Yukhei”

He’s studying for their next exam, on Monday. Chemistry. It’s not that Yukhei hates chemistry, it’s more like chemistry hates him, doesn’t want him to know its secrets and knowledge. Yukhei tries though, he tries very hard all the time, without success. It’s fine still, because Yukhei’s stubborn and always gets his way. No matter how long it takes him.

“Yukhei!”

Smiling, Yukhei turns his head to his left, to a very pouty and very bored Kunhang, lying next to him. His hair is a mess, caused by the infinite amount of time hands passed through them in frustration. Kunhang’s eyes are red from not sleeping last time, lips chapped from biting them too often. Yukhei’s smile, mocking at first, quickly turns to fondness, hand pocking at Kunhang’s side.

“What?” he asks, but perfectly knowing why Kunhang is calling out to him.

“I want ice cream” Kunhang says, getting on his knees, eyes blinking the sleepiness away.

“Go get it then” Yukhei answers, looking down at his textbook again.

Yukhei doesn’t mean to annoy Kunhang. He really doesn’t. But Kunhang is easily annoyed, easily offended, easily playing on pretending to be all the above. So Kunhang does just so. Whines loudly, closes the textbook.

“Come and get it with me”

“I can’t, I need to study this” Yukhei says, opening the book, right before Kunhang closes it again.

“Don’t want to”

Sighing, Yukhei rolls his eyes, glancing at Kunhang. Kunhang who is still pouting, eyes still red but more expressive.

“Are you 6?” Yukhei tries to play annoyed, but he’s not as good as Kunhang, not as convincing. So Kunhang smiles, because or at him, Yukhei doesn’t know, doesn’t really care.

Mischievous, Kunhang moves towards him, putting his entire weight on his back.

“Maybe” he says, voice low, hands going down, down, down Yukhei’s side, ending up on his waist. Yukhei doesn’t have time to hide the goosebumps he feels before Kunhang laughs and starts tickling him. And Yukhei shouts out, skin burning, too sensitive to the touch. Turning around, he takes Kunhang’s wrists in hand, away from him, but Kunhang’s quick to change tactic. Quick to lay is entire weigh on Yukhei, trying to suffocate him, a big smile on his face.

“I said come with me” he says, trying to escape Yukhei’s grip.

“And I said go and get it yourself”

Yukhei’s stronger than Kunhang, always has been and always will be. This is a fact they both know, but Kunhang doesn’t take it into consideration. Always tries to do better, be stronger, find new alternative to win over Yukhei’s strength. Like that one time, when they were fifteen and Kunhang bite Yukhei’s ear during a fight, bite that caused Yukhei’s entire body to go to flame, making him lose. Like that one time, when they were ten and Kunhang discovered how tickly Yukhei was and used it at his advantage at every opportunity he could find.

Kunhang knows Yukhei. Every corner of every room, the bright like the dark ones.

Finding new ways to have him worked up wasn’t a difficult act.

He found a new one that day. He found a new one and got Yukhei to have ice cream with him and walk around their neighbourhood, watching as the sun declined.

And as Yukhei watched Kunhang, watched the last bit of the sun play with his hair, he felt his heart race. Felt it was the time, the right time, to tell him he was in love with him. Stop him in the middle of the street and confess, tell how much he loved every bit of him, every good and bad, sad and happy. He felt like he could do it, finally.

But for the thousandth time, as he watched Kunhang walk away from him, ice cream melting on his fingers, Yukhei lost face. Again, the feeling of desire, of wanting to talk so bad disappeared just as fast as it came.

-

_“It’s raining like crazy”_

_“Yeah, I know, just saw”_

_“Are you on your way?”_

_“Just got out. Don’t move, ok?”_

-

When Yukhei was ten years old, his grandfather took him on a little hiking trip. Just the two of them, a tent, some food supplies and a lot of songs to sing. Yukhei remembers being the happiest he’s ever been that weekend, because it was his first real trip, his first real time away from his parents, his first real time surrounded by nature.

They didn’t actually do much, but considering how young Yukhei was, everything was huge and powerful and so much more fun than it actually was. At night, when they found the perfect place to build their camp, start eating, Yukhei asked for a story.

Yukhei’s grandfather’s always been good at telling stories. Yukhei loved it, asked for fairy tales and legends everytime he went to sleep at his grandparents’ house. Ang his grandfather would give in, each time. It amazed Yukhei, how much his grandfather knew, about a lot of things.

“How are the stars made?” Yukhei asked, looking at the multiple of formation above him. Bright like fireworks and city lights, so tighten to each other you could barely distinguish them, at times. His grandfather smiled, put his food down before lying on his back, hands under his head.

“Stars are made out of love”

Confused, Yukhei looked down at his grandfather, forgetting about his food.

“What does that mean?”

Yukhei’s grandfather put a hand on his chest then, to his heart. The small wind around them fell on his locks, making them dance around his head, lazily, like a caress.

“You have a light inside of you, in your heart” his grandfather started, eyes dreamy “Everyone does”

Moving one of his hands to his heart, Yukhei felt his heart beat.

“I have a light inside of me?” Frowning, he looked down at his chest “But it’s never bright? I would have seen it, right? If I really had it”

Laughing, his grandfather turned his face towards him, hand stretched to his chest.

“It hasn’t radiated yet because you haven’t loved anyone”

Even more confused, Yukhei started to pout, disappointed. How did all of this have any correlation to the stars? Turning over to his food, Yukhei took it in hand again, swallowing a mouthful of rice.

“You don’t make sense”

He ignored his grandfather’s laugh. This wasn’t what he asked for. But soon, his grandfather found himself sitting next to him, a hand on his chest again.

“There’s this legend” he starts “that states that stars are made out of love. A love that is created between two people.”

Moving his hands around, his grandfather cup Yukhei’s heart, then his.

“When two people fall in love with each other, their lights start to illuminate, to form one unique light that climbs to the sky, and stays there forever”

Blinking, Yukhei looked up at the sky, at the stars he could see between the trees.

“I’m witnessing love, then?” he asks, stretching his arm up, trying to trace the formation of stars “Because I can see other’s people light in the sky?”

His grandfather had said yes, all the stars above him were a proof of people’s love, that have lived there for a very, very long time. He also said that his parents love was there, too, as well as his grandparents, their grandparents before them, and so on. He said that constellations were the results of love trespassing time, that they were the construction of soulmates finding each other again and again, in every new life that was given to them.

Yukhei had wished for his love to transform into a star, one day. Had wished to see it happen, see both his heart and his lover’s form one and make the way up, up, up towards the sky, making the entire world the witness of their love.

Now, at nineteen and looking at Kunhang reading a book, at the end of his bed, Yukhei finds himself thinking of the stars. Thinking of constellations. Yukhei wishes for their love to become that.

And he wonders how many of the stars up in the night sky are theirs. He wonders which constellation is theirs, because he knows Kunhang is his soulmate. Knows he won’t love anyone the way he loves him. Knows that in his past lives, Kunhang always been the one for him, like he is the one in this life.

-

Yukhei often thought of how to tell Kunhang he was in love with him.

Ever since he was fourteen and knowing of what love was, he knew that what he was feeling for his best friend was more than friendship. He recognized the signs, each time. The beating heart, the sweatiness, the stutters, the laughing when things weren’t actually that funny.

Yukhei tried to confess a total of eight times.

The first time he tried to tell Kunhang about his feelings was during lunch time, when they were fifteen and sweating from PE. For some reason, the way Kunhang was smiling gave Yukhei courage. Gave him the feeling that this was the moment. But Kunhang showed him a photo of his cats, and the moment passed, taking his courage with it.

The second time he tried to confess, they were seventeen and on a trip to the beach. Their families took the opportunity of vacations to go together to Kunhang’s family secondary house, during summer. Yukhei’s family was supposed to stay for two weeks before going to see the other side of their family, in Thailand. And Yukhei felt confident, one night. He felt ready. This was a beautiful place, the sun was bright, they were happy. But when he looked around for Kunhang, on the beach, he found him with a girl, kissing.

The third time was at the end of the same summer. When he came back home, sun kissed and tired, when he saw Kunhang waiting for him at their little community parc, when he saw how bright his smile was. He felt the need to express, felt the need to take Kunhang in his arms and kiss and kiss and kiss him until they couldn’t breathe. But he didn’t, because Kunhang saw the hickey on his neck, the one he got from one of his cousin’s friends, and teased him for it.

The fourth time is when they were eighteen and packing for college. Of course, they went to the same place, because there was no way they could live separated from each other more than a week, let alone across the country. Again, Yukhei didn’t confess, because then Kunhang came out to him, hands shaking but face stoic.

“I like boys” he had said “And girls. I like both”. And Yukhei smiled, said “I like boys too”. _I like one boy, and it’s you._

The fifth time was during a party, while they were dancing, while they were sitting on the grass of one of their friends, while they were talking about everything and anything. Yukhei actually confessed that night, said “Kunhang, I love you” and Kunhang smiled, said “I love you too”. But it wasn’t what Yukhei meant, wasn’t what he wanted to say, wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. He couldn’t elaborate, tell Kunhang how serious he was and how deeply he felt those words because Dejun came and took Kunhang away from him.

The sixth and seventh times were random moments in life. Them eating ice scream. Them studying in the library. Them walking into campus. Them watching a movie. Them being them. But Yukhei was never brave enough.

The eighth time didn’t have time to see the light of day. Because life happened. Because Kunhang went to a place Yukhei couldn’t follow him into.

-

_“I’m inside the store”_

_“Ok, stay there, I’ll be there in 10”_

_“Got it big boy”_

_“You’ll wait for me, right?”_

-

Time is a weird thing to live. It’s a weird concept, a weird perception, a weird feeling. Sometimes time can be long, can be boring, can be very fast.

Today’s time was fast, Yukhei comes to think of it. Very fast, blurry. Imperceptible.

It was fast and slow, at the same time. Fast because it all happened in a blink of an eye. Slow because the world went silent, his body froze, his mind stopped. And there was nothing he could do.

Today was his eighth attempt to confess to Kunhang. Today, he was gonna take Kunhang to their ice cream place and tell him he was in love with him. Maybe, if everything was right, kiss him and walk him home, and kiss him some more. God, did Yukhei want to kiss Kunhang. Been dreaming of it since the beginning of time.

But the universe has a weird way of showing you you’re not meant for someone.

Weird in the mean way. The one that makes your heart ache and hurt and break a thousand times. The universe doesn’t want them to be together, Yukhei comes to believe. Not in this life. Because if they were meant to be, why would Kunhang be taken away from him? Why would he see it happen? Why would he be the one running from his car to Kunhang’s body lying on the floor, broken?

As he’s sitting on the hospital chair, body cold, his brain doesn’t stop rewinding. Rewinding as Kunhang got out of the shop he was in, waiting for Yukhei. Rewinding how the rain fell on his hair, making him shiver. Rewinding how the car came his way, making his body fly, up, up, up towards the sky before crashing on the ground. Yukhei doesn’t remember much after that. Doesn’t remember how he came out of his own car, doesn’t remember if he made a noise, if he called for help, if he cried, if he screamed. He probably did.

What he does remember, on the other end, is the pain. The fear. The feeling of being ripped apart. He remembers having Kunhang’s body in his harm. Remembers the cold feeling of rain on the back of his neck. Remembers the flash of red under his feet.

“He’s gonna be fine” he hears Kunhang’s father say to his wife. “He’s strong, he’ll make it through”

His mother’s hand is on his shoulder, comforting.

“Are you sure you don’t want to get changed?” she asks him, eyes red from crying. Yukhei ignores her, stares at the ground, trying not to think. He doesn’t mind the blood on his shirt, doesn’t mind the smell nor the stickiness. Changing now would feel wrong.

When the doctor comes out, after what seems like hours, Yukhei fells it in his heart, his stomach, the boiling. The fear and panic and the desire to run. So he runs. Doesn’t wait for news, doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want to face it. He gets up on his feet, turns around and gets out of the building, into the still raining streets, his mother’s voice calling out his name in the background. And he runs, runs, runs, until he can’t anymore, until his body gives up on him, makes him fall on his knees, head burning, body shaking.

He cries tonight, like he never cried before. He cries because he feels like it’s his fault, because he should have been there sooner, because he should have been the one crossing the street. Because why is the universe doing this to him? It’s irrational, the way he’s thinking. Sometimes things happen, and there is nothing you can do to prevent them.

-

It takes two weeks for Yukhei to gather the courage to go see Kunhang. Two weeks of not getting out of his room, of crying and overthinking and fearing that he lost one of the most important person in his life. But Kunhang didn’t die. His mother told him so after she came back from the hospital. Sat down against his bedroom door and talked to him. About the procedure, about the injuries, about the after.

And Yukhei cried, from relief this time. Because Kunhang was alive, so there was still a chance.

-

The initial discomfort he felt the first time he saw Kunhang lying on a hospital bed never really went away, but Yukhei got used to it.

He got used to come to the hospital every day, after his classes. He got used to do his assignments and study sessions in the room. He got used to the smell and the nurses and the consistent bipping of the machines. What he never got used to, though, was the lack of respond when he would talk to Kunhang. The silence, the emptiness.

Yukhei misses the sound of Kunhang’s voice the most. The sound of his laugh and his sarcastic remarks after Yukhei told him about his day on campus and how the cute boy in his journalism class wouldn’t stop staring at him.

Yukhei misses Kunhang so much it burns him on the inside.

And Yukhei still loves him. So much.

He loves him more than he thought possible. It was as if his love exploded, like it became his entirety, his reason to breath. Because Yukhei almost lost him, he came to love him more.

As he watches Kunhang, lying down, eyes close and face so much thinner than it used to be, Yukhei can’t take it anymore. Can’t take the longing, the aching, the waiting. He feels his skin scrawling, screaming at him. Feels his mind going apeshit with the need to _do something_ , something more than just stand there like an idiot and expecting for things to go better.

Because things might not get better. Kunhang might not wake up, ever. Might die one night, alone and cold. Even if the doctors are confident, even if Kunhang is responding well to the treatment and his other injuries are healing, he might still stay asleep. Might never have the chance to open his eyes again.

Yet Yukhei isn’t brave enough. Still feels like another time will come, be better.

But what if, a voice murmurs in his mind. What if another time never comes?

_You’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. You’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. You’re going to regret_ _it. You’re going to. Regret. Regret. Regret._

_Regret._

Yukhei hates regrets. Hates to think he could have done something but didn’t, in the end, because he wasn’t brave enough. Yukhei is brave. He has courage. He does things. He acts. He acts. _He acts_.

He needs to act. Now. Right now. This is one of this moment, he thinks, closing his eyes, pushing his head against the door he was ready to open to escape all of this.

Regrets, that he can’t have.

So he takes a breathe. A shuttering one. Feels tears coming down his face and into his neck, into his shirt. He takes another breathe. Pushes his head harder against the wood. And cries.

He cries the tears he kept in for a long time. Cries the tears he forbid himself to let go because he had to stay strong, for himself, for Chenle, Kunhang’s little brother. For Kunhang. He had to stay strong for him, because he didn’t want to let him down.

But right now, Yukhei allows himself to cry. He cries because he needs to, because it’s too hard, because why, why, why. Why is this happening, why is the universe being so mean, why is Kunhang lying in this bed when he should be in school complaining about assignments and teachers and cute girls and boys not looking his way.

He cries until he doesn’t have tears to give, until his body stops trembling, until he feels ready, finally. He turns around and walks towards the bed, taking place on the chair next to Kunhang’s head. Taking his hand on his, Yukhei blinks the last tears away.

“I love you” he whispers, his other hand playing with Kunhang’s locks.

It resonates in the empty room, silent except for the working machines and Yukhei’s last hiccups. It resonates and it feels wrong yet right at the same time. Finally, he had said it. Finally, he feels his heart run free after so many years in a cage, keeping his secret safe. Finally, he can let go of the longing.

“I love you so much, Kunhang” he continues, his forehead against Kunhang’s cheek. “Please, don’t let me on my own”

-

Life without Kunhang is weird. Not going to get ice scream after class, walk to the park, watch movies. Seeing other people. Everything Yukhei does seem futile, fade, colourless.

Yukhei comes to the realisation that Kunhang took the most important place in his life. There wasn’t anything he did or think without Kunhang knowing. There wasn’t any project he had without Kunhang helping him. He wonders if it’s too much, too toxic, too everything to be so attached to one person. But Kunhang was everything Yukhei’s ever known and he can’t see himself without it. Not ever.

Yukhei keeps going, still. Because he knows Kunhang wouldn’t want him to lose himself like this. Would be disappointed.

Yukhei keeps going. To class, to some parties, to see his family and Kunhang’s. He even tries to see other people, goes to a couple of dates before realising that there’s only one person on his mind all the time and it wasn’t the person sitting in front of him.

This is what soulmates do to you, isn’t it? Become part of you, so much that they steal all the colors around you. And Yukhei doesn’t mind seeing the world black and white, as long as Kunhang is here, next to him, smiling.

-

_“You’ll wait for me, right?”_

_“Promised, Yukhei. I’ll wait”_

-

It takes a year for Kunhang to wake up, be able to walk properly on his own and be released from the hospital.

When he opens his eyes for the first time in months, Yukhei isn’t there. He’s at some parties his teammates invited him to, half drunk in the middle of the garden, watching cooking tutorials on his phone. That’s when Chenle calls him. He’s half suffocating and crying and Yukhei thinks the worst, thinks that it’s the end, finally. And he can’t take it, really. He can’t take it and his chest hurts so much he feels like drowning and he cries.

“He’s awake, Yukhei” Chenle hiccups “He’s awake”

The words feel foreign in his ears and he has a hard time understanding them, but when he does, when it finally makes sense, when he realises, he smiles. He smiles so big his cheeks hurt and he laughs, too loudly but who cares. Kunhang is awake and it’s the middle of the night and Yukhei’s been waiting for weeks and weeks and weeks for this moment to happen.

He’s too drunk to drive, he realises when he gets up on his feet. He’s too drunk to drive so he asks one of his teammates to drive him or call him a taxi. He doesn’t know which one happens, too drunk on both alcohol and euphoria but what matters is that he gets to the hospital. He gets there safe and still dizzy and crying but he knows one thing for sure: Kunhang is out there, awake, probably scared and lost and Yukhei will be there.

He will be there for every second of his recovery, like he’s been there for every second of his unconsciousness.

He sees Chenle in front of the door, eyes red and puffy, the biggest smile Yukhei’s ever seen him have on his face. They don’t talk when Yukhei gets to him, simply hug before Chenle walks him to Kunhang’s room. They’re not supposed to be here, no one is, but tonight is an exception.

When they get to his room, Kunhang’s parents are there too, watching through the window. When they hear them coming, his mother opens her arms and takes Yukhei into a hug, crying still. Yukhei hugs her back, tears falling in her hair. When he looks at the window, sees Kunhang still lying on his bed, eyes closed, fear gets the best of him.

“Wasn’t he supposed to be awake?” he asks, voice shaking, taking a step back.

“He went back to sleep” his mother says, hands slowly stroking the back of his arm “He was very tired”

Turning to her, Yukhei wipes his tears out of his eyes, biting on his lips.

“But he’s gonna wake up again, right?” he asks again, eyes glued to his best friend’s body “He’s gonna be awake in a couple of hours, right?”

Kunhang’s mother says yes, he will be awake, that everything will be alright from now on. Yukhei wants to stay and wait for Kunhang to wake up again. He says so to his parents, looking around for a chair to sit on, maybe sleep a bit. But Kunhang’s father stops him before he can do any of that.

“You should go home, Yukhei” he tells him, a hand on his shoulder “You need to take a shower and rest before you talk to him”

“I’m good” Yukhei answers, shaking his head “I’m fine, I’ll stay here because he can’t be alone when he wakes up again”

“He won’t be” Kunhang’s mother says, eyes warm “We’ll all be there. But first we need rest too. Please, Yukhei”

Yukhei doesn’t want to leave. Doesn’t want to miss a second of Kunhang’s awakening. He knows staying here won’t change anything, that it won’t make Kunhang wake up faster. He knows but he can’t stand the idea of letting him alone in there, conscient that he could open his eyes at any moment.

Fatigue gets the best of him. Sobering up, too. He sleeps at Kunhang’s place, that night. Takes a long shower, pain killers, eats some food. And in the morning, when they all come back to the hospital, Yukhei is afraid.

He’s afraid of not facing the same Kunhang, afraid Kunhang wouldn’t recognise him, afraid he wouldn’t want to talk to him. But none of this happens.

Yukhei doesn’t enter the room right away. Waits for Kunhang’s parents and Chenle to see him first, talk to him, maybe explain what happened to him. There’s a doctor too, and a nurse, changing his bags. The doctor’s talking, a small smile on his face. This is a good sign, Yukhei tells himself. This is good, everything is good.

Yukhei finds the courage to face Kunhang a couple of hours after that. When his family came out of the room, Yukhei wasn’t ready yet. He couldn’t. So Chenle waited with him in the corridor, playing games on his phone, talking about his first year in college, wondering when he’ll be able to go to parties like Kunhang used to do.

When Yukhei finally gets up, finally looks through the window of the room, Kunhang is already looking at him. They stare at each other and Yukhei’s body turns cold, his heart races. Blinking, he takes a step back, controlling his breath the best he could.

“You’ve got this” Chenle tells him, a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Yukhei agrees. He’s got this. He’s got this. He’s got this.

Kunhang stays silent when Yukhei enters his room. Looks at him make his way to his bed, sit on the same old chair. Yukhei can’t stop staring at Kunhang and avoiding his eyes and staring at him again. There’s a weird feeling inside his chest, one he can’t describe, one he’s never experiences before. He doesn’t think it’s bad, though, so he doesn’t fight it.

Kunhang takes the first step. Moves his hand, very slowly, opening it so Yukhei can take it, if he wants. Which he does. He takes Kunhang’s hand on his and squeezes, shaking.

“I’ve got you waiting for a long time, didn’t I?” Kunhang asks, eyes wet. “That street was long as hell”

And Yukhei knows Kunhang is just trying to make a joke, just trying to tell him he’s ok, but he can’t control the tears that come out of his eyes. Can’t control his body trembling, the whimper leaving his mouth.

Yes, he thinks, taking Kunhang’s hand to his lips, his forehead. Yes, that was a long ass street.

-

“Did you come here every day?”

“I did”

“Why?”

“Because I care too much about you”

“Cute”

“Shut up”

-

Yukhei learns to live with Kunhang again, and it feels different. Sometimes, they’re careful around each other, careful like they’ve never been, but they’re still learning. Kunhang is still learning how to stand and walk without crutches. Yukhei is still learning how to help him without doing too much.

They dance around each other, smiling awkwardly to each other when they stumble, but the scraps of who they were before all of this are still there. In the glances, the little smiles, the laughs and tv show marathons. They’re still them.

Watching Kunhang train on a walking machine, Yukhei smiles to himself. He’s still in love with his best friend, he tells himself. He’s still in love with him and still willing to wait for their lights to join, one day.

-

“You really like me that much, huh?”

“Shut up”

“Come on big boy, just say the words”

“I’ll kill you”

-

Yukhei’s ice scream is melting on his fingers. Summer is ending, the sun is setting down and Kunhang sits right next to him. The parc is silent expect for a family eating the rest of their picnic and dogs playing a couple of meters away.

Kunhang sits right next to him and won’t stop bouncing.

“You’re alright?” Yukhei asks him, turning his face to him. “Is your leg hurting again?”

Kunhang doesn’t look at him. Starts bouncing more. So Yukhei takes the napkin on his knee to wipe his fingers, abandoning his ice scream somewhere on the bench.

“Kunhang?”

“This is the time I say I love you”

Yukhei blinks, body frozen. A dog barks behind him.

“I love you, Yukhei” Kunhang repeats, head finally turning his way “And I never want to lose you”

Words like those, he’s heard already. Kunhang had told them before. On his hospital bed, in the car while driving away from his house, in Yukhei’s bedroom. Yukhei’s heard them, but there’s something in Kunhang’s voice that’s different today. Darker. More desperate. Laughing awkwardly, Yukhei stares at Kunhang’s face.

“I love you too” he says. What he intended to say after that gets stuck in his throat as Kunhang’s eyes betray his frustration, all of a sudden. Looking away, Kunhang closes his eyes, a bitter smile on his lips. And Yukhei hates it, hates it so much his skin burns, his foot start bouncing, his mouth gets dry.

“What is it?” he asks, soft, scared to say the wrong thing.

It takes some time, but Kunhang ends up facing him again. 

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you” Kunhang says, eyes burning, voice shaky but strong “I want us to buy an apartment, adopt cats, grow old together. Get married, maybe, one day”

The world doesn’t stop, but Yukhei’s heart does. Time doesn’t slow down, doesn’t turn mystic, but Yukhei feels like it does. Because this feels like a dream, like some joke his mind would make at night. The sounds he hears around him aren’t a dream. The people walking pass them aren’t his imagination. They’re real people living real lives while Yukhei really sits on this bench, staring at his best friend in the eyes.

“I love you this kind of way” Kunhang tells him “And I don’t think I’ll ever stop”

Yukhei feels like he could cry, right now. Feels like his heart is going to explode because there’s too many feelings in his chest right now, too many words on his tongue, too many touches under his skin.

“You love me” he repeats, stupidly.

“I love you” Kunhang states “Been in love with you for a very long time”

The universe has a weird way of showing you you’re not meant for someone. That the timing isn’t right. But sometimes, the message gets confused for something it isn’t. Sometimes, you get the message wrong and give up on something you love when it was simply meant for later.

The universe is sending Yukhei its final message. Its final calling. Its blessing. The fire in Kunhang’s eyes is the sign that the timing is right, at last.

“I’ve been in love with you for a very long time too” Yukhei whispers, eyes burning with tears he refuses to let go. This isn’t a time for tears, he thinks. This is a time for smiles and hands holding. This is a time for the first glance, the first discovery, the first words, the first kiss, the first everything.

And finally, after a long time waiting, their lights start to shine, to form. And it goes up, up, up the sky, joining their other lights, completing their constellation.

-

“Say it again”

“What?”

“The words”

“What words?”

“Yukhei, say them again”

“I love you”

“And?”

“Welcome home, husband”

**Author's Note:**

> they kiss for the first time under Yukhei's covers, on a rainy night.  
> they adopt their first cat for their 1 year anniversery.   
> they rent their first apartment after their 2 years surprised party Dejun organized.  
> they get married during the winter, under the snow falling. 
> 
> :)
> 
> hit me up : @__babybird_


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